For some of us, the idea starts when we’re young and only continues to grow as we get older. We become enthralled by it, obsessed with it. We start out by daydreaming, doodling and writing in our diaries about it. We grow up and start to search for it in every relationship and situation we find ourselves in. Of course, we have life goals, dreams, aspirations – but this is the ultimate prize. Nothing would be more satisfying than finding this one thing. What is it? If you haven’t figured it out already, then this piece of writing may not be for you… it’s the perfect slice of pizza.
Kidding, it’s love. Obviously.
And I don’t mean just any old love. Like not the simple I-love-you-and-you-love-me-let’s-date kind of thing. I truly believe Mary-Kate Olsen said it best in It Takes Two; “It’s gotta be that can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff, right?”
I think our idea of love gets so twisted these days. Women and men both settle for what our society makes love out to be, what love should be. I mean, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and ideas on love and the love they would like to find. But with the way things have evolved, I am finding myself struggling with the idea that maybe my idea of love is becoming unrealistic and unattainable.
However, hope still remains! Even if you told me a million times I would never find the type of love I strive to find, I would never fully believe you. See, not only are some of us women stubborn as hell, some of us just absolutely love love. And when we love something, we don’t give up on it easy. So even through the many, many failed relationships, terrible men and semi-awkward dates – I will always believe that my love is out there.
So, what’s the deal with some standards these days? Don’t get me wrong – I would love for someone to grab my ass and feed me pizza. To pour me a glass of wine and tell me I’m pretty. But that isn’t all that love is. Not even close. That’s what follows after you find real love – the fun stuff that is truly the best with your other half.
In addition to that, love is not constantly hooking up with the guy who only calls you when he’s drunk, but ignores you on you every other time of day. It’s not love when you’re fighting for someone’s attention and getting nothing in return. Love isn’t giving in when anyone gives you attention or time of day. It’s not constant arguing or excuses. Love isn’t someone just wanting to sleep with you before they know the name of your brother or what your childhood was like or how pancakes and coffee in bed really make you the happiest.
These just aren’t love. They will never turn into love. No matter how many excuses you make for the other person in these situations, it will never be the love you deserve. You may argue, tell me that people change, that relationships can change into something better. But I believe, with all of my being, the true love of your life will never put you through something that belittles you, hurts you or makes you feel unwanted.
So what should it be like? How will we know when it’s truly the right person? Well, I am definitely no expert on that topic. I’ve been in relationships where I thought I was in love, for real. Like marriage, kids, the whole shebang. But, turns out, I’m pretty naïve and unrealistic. I let my love for love take over what was really going on. Don’t get me wrong, I have loved every person I’ve been in a relationship with. But have I truly been in love with them? That I’m not sure of. But clearly none were my one, true great love or else I’d be with them, duh.
So, I can’t answer universally for what I think love should be like or when we will know it’s happening, but I can tell you what I think it should be, what I personally am holding out for. Maybe you’ll agree, maybe you won’t. Like I said, everyone’s entitled to their own beliefs 🙂
When I am truly in love and have found the Jim to my Pam, it will be incredible. He will be everything I’ve ever wanted in life, everything that the ones before him couldn’t be. He will love every inch of my body and every ounce of my soul. We will always be laughing, smiling, having fun and exploring but most importantly, we will always be happy. He will learn to love the fact that I talk a million miles a minute and could continue on for hours on end. We will always put our whole hearts, 100%, into our relationship. He will always support me and I will always support him. We will always give each other butterflies and eat ice cream out of the carton together. He will gladly spend an entire Sunday in bed with me, maybe reading, maybe snuggling, who knows. But he will also travel the world with me and try foreign foods, too. We will sing in the car at the top of our lungs and will put together puzzles, just because. He will open doors for me and I will rub his shoulders after a long day at work. We will be silly together but will always be able to have serious talks. He will not only understand my weird obsession with pizza, Law & Order SVU and Usher [circa early 2000s] – he will also indulge in all three. We will get insanely lost in conversation and will yearn to know everything about each other – childhood memories, favorite experiences, the reasons we are who we’ve become. He will know every part of who I am – the good, the bad and the ugly. I will never feel more comfortable with anyone than I will with him. He will make me a better person and will bring out the best side of me. And I will do the same for him. People will realize that we’ve never been more ourselves, than when we are together. He will be my best friend, the other half of me and the love of my life. We will continue to fall more in love every single day until forever.
I could continue to go on about the future love of my life, wherever and whoever he may be. But, I’m still trying to figure it all out myself, as I’m sure you are too. The point is – I don’t want to settle for anything less than that. We have these ideas that we come up with about our future husbands/wives, yet we tend to settle for what’s convenient. We try to compromise but ultimately are diminishing the portrait we have in our minds of our perfect person. I get it, no one is perfect and compromise is inevitable. But we find ourselves settling and then wondering ‘Why aren’t I happy? Why am I not getting what I deserve, what I want?’
Unfortunately, it’s true, we will most likely stumble upon a few more frogs before finding our Prince Charming. We will probably make mistakes and sell ourselves short more than once. We will more than likely think we have found “the one” only to find ourselves crying on our best friend’s bed with a bottle of wine in hand because we were dumped. Or maybe will even be crying on our best friend’s bed with a bottle of wine in hand because we dumped someone (hey, breaking up is really, really hard to do sometimes).
I’ve said it a million times but, it’s true – it’s all in good timing. It’s harder to really grasp than it seems, but once it truly hits you, the feeling is almost like a weight off your shoulders. The right person will come into your life when they’re supposed to. That’s it. There’s nothing more than that. You can’t force it, you can’t keep wishing it will land in your lap. You have to continue your life and make it a life that you want, one you’d be proud to welcome someone else into. Why would you want to bring someone into your life when it’s a discombobulated, crazy mess? Get your shit together, work on being the best ‘you’ possible and the right guy [or girl] will show up when they are supposed to. You’ll never expect it. You’ll be too busy having your life together that you’ll forget you ever spent days crying and self-pitying yourself because the love of your life wasn’t holding your hand yet.
I promise, it will happen when it’s supposed to.
I want you to believe it, because I have to believe it too.